#638

Hurt People, Hurt People

We’ve Heard It Before

In the news cycle we hear about someone who seemingly and randomly strikes out at people even going on a killing spree and at first, no one knows why. But we live in a day and age where we have a cornucopia of information and even larger supply of experts who dig a little deeper and they find that the acts of violence had at their root some hurt in the suspect’s earlier lives. Maybe a parent or parents who mistreated them or a bad experience with others at work or even an act of violence done to them by another person, perhaps a rape or a beating. Really, when you think about it, even wars have occurred when someone’s feelings are hurt. But my point is that when people are hurt they tend to lash out even if the reason for the hurt is not related to original pain. It is these innocent people that often bear the brunt of the pain, rejection or emotional anguish built up in the hurt soul. And we can see this spirit of hurt and disappointment in the very first murder in the Bible.

Not Accepted

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. 3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. 4 And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. (Gen 4:2-8, NIV)

Not getting the approval of your father is serious place for hurt to grow. And in this case is was Cain’s heavenly father that he was angry with. Cain even had a chance to avoid the sin crouching just outside of his heart, but he chose anger. We don’t know how the Lord showed unfavorably on Cains’ offering only that He did. We learn from an article from gotquestions.org that other parts of the Bible give us the reasons why:

What we know for sure is that “the LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor” (Genesis 4:4–5). We also know that God looks on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). There was something in Cain’s motivation and heart attitude, and possibly something in his performance, that made his offering unacceptable to God. It was obviously something that he was aware of and could remedy, since God tells him after the fact, “You will be accepted if you do what is right” (Genesis 4:7, NLT).

God Looks On The Heart

While some think it was the actual elements of the offering that was the reason, but as we read more about Cain in the pages of Scripture, other reasons surface as we read more from the gotquestions.org article:

Abel, on the other hand, had the proper motivation, the proper procedure, and the proper relationship with God. That relationship was based on faith: “By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did” (Hebrews 11:4). Ever since the beginning, people must come to God in faith. “Without faith it is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6), and faith is evidently what Cain lacked.

It sounds more and more like Cain knew exactly what offering he was supposed to bring and he simply decided to go his own way instead:

In Jude 1:11, we read, “They have taken the way of Cain,” a description that refers to lawless men. This may mean that they, like Cain, disobediently devised their own ways of worship, and they did not come to God by faith. Cain’s offering, while acceptable in his own eyes, was not acceptable to the Lord. In some way, Cain had perverted God’s prescribed form of worship, and his heart was not right. He grew jealous of Abel, and he selfishly nursed his wounded pride. Rather than repent at God’s rebuke, Cain became angry, and later, in the field, he killed Abel and brought judgment upon himself (Genesis 4:8).

Cain was less offended that his offering was unworthy but that he couldn’t get away with one he knew full well was not what God wanted. And it was this hurt that led to a life full of rebelliousness and lawlessness:

The apostle John gives us more insight into Cain’s heart: “Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous” (1 John 3:12). Those who belong to the evil one will have evil actions, and those with evil actions will naturally hate those with righteous actions. The evil in Cain’s heart was further revealed when the Lord asked him, “Where is your brother Abel?” to which Cain replied, “I don’t know. . . . Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Genesis 4:9). In this response Cain tells a stone-cold lie and shows an amazing level of insolence.

In this case a hurt Cain, hurt Abel. It is patter than plays out over and over again way too many times.

Not Physical

As I survey the landscape I see so many people who have not dealt with the psychic pain of even physical damage. I like how Dr. Michelle Bengston addresses these unseen hurts in a post on her web site:

I couldn’t tell you when or where I heard it, but long ago I heard the saying “Hurting people hurt people.” As a Neuropsychologist, I’ve seen many hurting people. The trouble is, the kinds of wounds that have walked through my door for the most part aren’t physical. As I mention in my newest book, The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms, “Somehow the invisible pain we suffer can seem like the worst of all pain.”

They are emotional. They are behavioral. Or they are spiritual. To a very large extent, those are the hurts that can be harder to deal with, harder to manage, harder to accept, harder to understand, harder to provide grace for.

Why?

Because they often aren’t obvious. They don’t scream like a broken leg in a cast, “I’m hurt and in pain…be gentle around me.” They don’t even whisper like eyes looking through glasses, “Be careful, for without my glass crutch I would be lost.”

Why Do Hurt People Hurt People?

Bengston asks that very question and then answers it:

No, emotional hurts, pain, wounds are often not even recognized by the one suffering with them. Those are the injuries that often get “shoved deep down” to “deal with” on another day, a day when it’s more convenient. Except, because they are shoved deep down and not glaring when one looks in the mirror, that more convenient day never seems to arrive.

She then mentions that unforeseen moment when the hurt person explodes:

And then, S*M*A*C*K!! Seemingly out of nowhere, the compilation of hurts and pain and wounds erupts one day…often in excess to the trigger that caused the smoldering volcano to spew, and probably just as often toward someone undeserving.

Bengston then gives an apt Bible verse for context:

The Bible tells us in Luke 6:45 (NIV) “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

And then she connects the dots for us:

So all the pain, sorrow, rejection, humiliation, shame that we harbor in our hearts will eventually be spoken to someone else.

Unfortunately, these explosions can be more than just words. They can be even deadly.

I See It All Over Social Media

But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4 For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough. ( 2 Cor 11:3-4, NIV)

As we know, social media sites will feed you more of what you just watched. In my case I keep getting videos of Christians who are either not believers or ones who now follow another gospel as the Bible tells us. And as I do a little more digging I usually find that these social influencers had a bad spiritual experience in the church or with a spiritual mentor whether it was a leader or a relative like their parents. They are liberal in their theology because their parents or pastors preached a strict, works-based religion and when they were of age they flew the proverbial coup. With some it was bad doctrine about prophecy and the Rapture. To some it was works not grace gospel. But now, with the advent of social media they are taking to the masses with their derision of the real truth. They are throwing out the baby with the bathwater and when they find others who agree with them, well it just gets worse. It’s sad, because not everyone survives religious error and then it becomes the opposite of the Saul to Paul conversion. They were fervent for spreading the Gospel to fervently arguing against it and now they have a fawning audience to affirm them.

We Must Pray For Them

Yes, we need to pray for those people who aren’t Christians who are ticking time bombs ready to explode into a hurtful rage because they were damaged in their lives. Whether it is a disgruntled worker who lost their job or a child who grew up wanting to be loved and was thrown out into a world that neither noticed them nor cared for them. Pray that they will get the comfort they so desperately need before they hurt innocent people. However, for the Christian who was scarred by bad religion, pray they realize that it wasn’t God who damaged them by people. Petition heaven that they have a prodigal son moment and see that they are living far below their privilege and leave the pig slop belief systems they promote and live by. Ask God that they get up and run back to their loving Father who for His part will see them and run to meet them. And they a party will happen, the likes of which is rarely seen. And one more thing, when that happens don’t be the older son who is bitter and resentful. You, too run to them like God does and be Jesus with skin on to them.